Ever had this Experience where you really didn’t want to do a thing, but someone convinces you, cajoles you to do it and when you finally give in to it, start preparing for it, you really don’t get a chance to do it.
Well, this isn’t a sequence from a Shahrukh Khan movie or an episode from web series like Succession, it is in fact a personal experience a few months back.
So, here I was, toiling away in my modest office, when my cousin brother Calls me to attend his “High school Last day informal Convocation”. Firstly, what is an Informal Convocation? Secondly, this was really a last minute thing. The function was at 6, my cousin calls me at 4 pm. So, naturally, I said No. Next thing, I got a Call from my aunt and Uncle. My aunt, sincerely, was busy and tied up with something unavoidable, and Uncle is generally shy when it comes to public Functions like this.
So, 15 minutes later, I was picking my cousin. Now, my cousin is generally a cool chap. Less Emotional and more Chilled out. Once in the Car, he tells me, I might have to give a Convocation talk as a stand in guardian. So, I thought Whaaaaat? So while we are driving, I start making a mental picture of me giving a talk. Would I be on a stage? Would I be sitting? Am I expected to speak in English..? Hindi? or should it be Hinglish…? What if I flunk it? What if I stutter or drag on? Oh Gosh.…! There was a surge in the adrenaline levels and I was driving myself. My cousin? Oh he was chilled out, checking his prepared script and chatting with friends. He calmly turns to me and says, let me put on a music playlist – Raftar!
It was 25 minutes of Pressure Cooker scenario till we reached his school. Well, his school is bloody 40 km from our home. Imagine that doing every day morning and evening! Anyways, we get in to the school, and I was now being ushered into the sports complex where there was a makeshift assembly hall cum event cum awards style backdrop set up. Every parent was receiving a traditional Indian welcome with garland of flowers and a Tika on forehead. Nice, at least I am being fed before the sacrifice. They have good manners, I thought. As I sit, I realize that among a group of 50 odd parents, I am probably the only male sitting there accompanying my child oh Brother! Ok, If I discount the old aged Uncle with balding white hair sitting across the hall, I, probably was the only male. So, Lions Den, already in, no other option but to go feed the lion.
So, now, my cousin walks up to me and says, “Bhaiya, there might be a quiz or a interview where they might ask random questions to the parents. Be ready!” I felt much more confident. Since my childhood, I have been very good at guessing games, dumb charades, Holly Bolly, etc. So I now had this wide stupid grin imagining me pulping the answers to every quick fire question by Derek-o-Brien. See, how our minds are like mazes? I got lost in it again. Few minutes later, as I was about to take the prize in the supposedly quiz contest in my brain, I heard loud claps. The program had started. Any moment now, i thought. I quickly started making notes in my mobile, Time… Words… Talk about Confidence, Brotherhood, Teachers, Biology classes.. all classes, share some jokes. Avoid speaking the F** words (Bold letters), speak how sincere my brother has been ( on second thoughts, let me skip bullshit about his sincerity, he was the most notorious living thing the school had ever seen in its history).
Time went on, the guest of honour was some NGO trustee with political connects ( he was wearing whites and also addressed people Bhaiyo aur Behno!), then the principal thanked him, there were prayers, there was a dance, there was another dance, there was a play, there was another song by a teacher…… It was a neat 1.5 hours when suddenly a teacher sitting with the audience realized the time, shirked the coordinator and did some frantic hand gestures. The coordinator was simply dumbstruck and looking at the pigeons on a nearby 20 ft wall. Another round of gestures and finally he noticed. Someone came up to the principal and mentioned something in her ears. She got up a minute later and said,
” Dear Esteemed Parents, students, Thank you all for coming here. Due to paucity of time, as we need to arrange the return buses and refreshments (mandatory?), we shall skip down directly to the awards and convocation ceremony.
There was certainly a loud crash somewhere, I heard! Or, Was it in my mind? The students slowly came up to the podium, the awards were given, pictures taken and function came to its end. I was pretty much in a confused state and had mixed feelings, Should I be relieved it was over? Should I be relieved that no more pressure? Or was I feeling let down? In another universe, another time, would i have spoken good? If the quiz had happened, could i have answered them all?
It has been several months to this incident and I still am trying to answer these burning questions in my mind. Our minds is a crazy creature, right? It was a convocation for a high school student and that happened, why should I feel confused or dejected? It wasn’t a competition for me or my skills or for that matter why should I have spoken at all?
Our minds are indeed strange, we fear about things too trivial only to prepare and miss them in their absence! As a parting thought, do share 1 thing with me. Should i have spoken to the students about how not to pass chits in exam or talk about their teachers on a blog? Do share your feedback. Until then, keep reading me, if not listening.
Manifestations of the Mind 